What comes to mind immediately is a gold prospector who spends his whole life searching the mountains for that illusive and rare commodity and never really striking it rich. This is what people have been doing for thousands of years in their search for unconditional love. Maybe the search goes on simply because we have been searching in the wrong place.

After years of prospecting, I found that illusive commodity, unconditional love, within myself. Once I found it, it wasn't easy to keep as it was as illusive within me as it was when I searched the world for it. Why, even when I found it, was it so difficult to hold on to?

Valentine's day has just past and it was then when I realized that our society is constructed to support conditional love and co-dependence. We are taught to look for love from others and give others our love. "I love you, do you love me?" This is not a natural practice as we are born loving ourselves unconditionally. That is why babies are so wonderful to hold and be around. That is why they are such a bundle of joy. It is only when they are old enough to be taught NOT to love themselves unconditionally that they lose that magic and joy. That was when we lost our magic and joy.

Parents, in their belief (that has been handed down for thousands of years and never has worked) that we, as children had to be controlled to be protected. And that was the way they controlled us, through judgment, punishment and reward. So, parents showed their love and approval when we were good or right and withdrew their love when we were wrong or bad. This taught us how to love ourselves conditionally. So, we abandoned our practice of loving ourselves unconditionally and began sourcing our parents for conditional love the way they taught us. All we read, heard and watched told us that loving ourselves unconditionally was not an acceptable practice. Actually, it was frowned upon and when we attempted it, we were attacked, sometimes verbally and sometimes passive aggressively by being rejected by our peers and loved ones. Sometimes it was telepathic messages and energies that we experienced.

This created an addiction. Yes, conditional love is an addiction and that is why it is so difficult to stop it. Addictions are actually compulsions. Our subconscious has been programmed by our parents, teachers, peers and society that anytime we are wrong or bad, we are in a life threatening experience. Any time our subconscious defense system(which I call the Ego defense system) believes our life is threatened, it compulsively does whatever is necessary to preserve our lives.

We(our subconscious) learned this when we were young, either through direct experience or by telepathy from our peers. The hundredth monkey effect can go both ways and when enough children were beaten by their parents, all children in that society became afraid and adopted the same defense systems.

As children, our parents were literal giants. In comparison to us today, they would be like 18 foot tall giants weighing 800 pounds. If a giant shouted at you and grabbed you and shook you and hit you, even with their hands, we would think: "I am going to die", and "Unless I please this giant, I am going to die."

We learned to do what was "right" and "good" or we were punished. If we were wrong or bad, we would die. That is our belief, even if we are not consciously aware of it. Remember that the subconscious is all the thoughts and emotions we are not aware of at this time. And since loving ourselves was determined to be, by society, as wrong, we compulsively practice conditional love. This is why conditional love is an addiction.

Maybe we should create chapters of CLA, Conditional Love Anonymous as it is just as difficult for an alcoholic to stop drinking alcohol as it is for most people to stop loving themselves conditionally. For years, I had wondered why people had such resistance in practicing the Five Steps of Unconditional Love as taught in my book, The Joy Book. As simple as the steps are, people found them difficult to do. I found this due to the counter programming within the subconscious and the threat inherent within society. I left society for a year, living in the mountains, by myself for the most part, and it was much easier to practice unconditional love.

So, understanding this makes it easier to pursue unconditional love. When we find it difficult, we know it is our defense system working against us. Fear creates resistance, knowledge creates persistence. Unconditional love is not futile. Knowledge is the key to everything we seek. This is the key to unconditional love.

Just like alcoholics, we must not indulge in that which we are addicted to. This means we must stop all relationships we have that are conditional and co-dependent. We must stop loving ourselves conditionally. We must set new rules for our lives and stop associating with conditional love addicts (just as alcoholics must stop associating with other alcoholics except those on the wagon). And just like alcoholics, it may not be easy at first, especially if you go cold turkey, but it won't be anywhere as intense as withdrawing from drug or alcohol addiction. It is similar though and knowing this makes it easier to do.

It might be a benefit to create unconditional love support groups, similar to AA, except, I do not believe the 12 steps are empowering. I suggest the Five Steps of Unconditional Love as they work for me daily and work for others who have been able to overcome the mass consciousness threat.

We must source ourselves for all our unconditional love. Being a part of a support group may be difficult as we would tend to gravitate towards the love of others. If that doesn't work, the only way may be to live in total or almost total isolation until we are well anchored into sourcing ourselves for love unconditionally.

Simple practices, besides the five steps, would be to look in our eyes in a mirror many times a day and say: "(your name), I love and approve of you unconditionally!" "I am there for you always, unconditionally." You (yourself) are my only source of unconditional love." "It is safe for you to reject conditional love and love yourself unconditionally."

This form of love is not to preclude loving others. Once loving yourself unconditionally is mastered, then you can have a healthy love for others and receive from others that is not driven by compulsion or addiction. It will be healthy and enjoyable.

When you are with others. remember that you are loving yourself in their presence. They can mirror your self-love and enhance it. It is not them loving you, but reflecting your own love back to you. PEOPLE LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU LOVE YOURSELF, but they are not your love or your source of love. Remember that! You are your only true source of Unconditional love.